Why I'm Not Becoming a Nurse

I remember being about three years old and announcing that when I grew up, I wanted to be a doctor. Even as a young child, I thought medicine was absolutely fascinating. Though my title changed from doctor to nurse, I loved the idea of caring for people. I wasn't interested in anatomy as much as I was interested in treatments and procedures. In fact, at the age of ten I could preform virtual heart surgery in forty seconds flat, tell you what IV and PICC stand for (intravenous and peripherally inserted central catheter- I never forgot), and I read medical journals all the time. It was adorable. Also, I thought hospitals were cool. I still think they are.

I always knew I was sick- we didn't have a name for it, but pain doesn't happen for no reason. I liked the idea that I would make sure no one would walk around knowing their sick but getting no answers. I wanted to be that miracle nurse or doctor who never gave up and let their patients suffer. When I was eleven and going through the process of being diagnosed with arthritis and being poked and prodded, I began to feel more strongly about wanting to go into medicine. But it became more of a matter of "I want to relieve the pain and listen to my patients, not do what I want even if it causes more pain." If anything, it was resentment over my doctor and that the medicines weren't working. It was after I changed rheumatologists that I realised medicine probably wasn't for me. It was that year when I began to take art and design classes in school, and I don't regret it. Art is a career that heals, though it's just in a different way.

Sometimes now I still wander back into the idea of being a nurse. I'm still very interested in medicine between reading studies, novels and watching those television dramas that get everything wrong. But frankly I don't think I could handle it. As much as I can separate myself from a book or television, I can't separate myself from real life. I couldn't handle having to write off someone because they "seem healthy." I couldn't handle giving a person a medicine that is supposed to help but makes them ill anyway. I couldn't handle a lot because I've been through it. I'm not saying nurses are bad people- I'm saying their strong because they can do it all. It takes a different kind of person to be a nurse and I can confidently say I'm not one of them. It's too personal for me. Nurses burn out all the time, but I think I've already done so.

Now that I've revealed all that, will people stop ripping me for not wanting a "real career as a nurse?" Anyway I've never heard of a 'fake' career.


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