Showing posts from May, 2012

Needle Alone

Living with arthritis, it might not occur to many that you are poked and prodded quite a bit, but that is the truth. You will be poked and prodded. I used to get anywhere from five to seven needle sticks a month between blood drawings, Methotrexate injections, and contrast for MRI's or something along those lines. Now I'm usually stuck about once a month, but it can change depending on what treatment I go on next.   Anyway, I know some people are really afraid of needles, and I can relate: I've been there before, I swear. Some people are fine with telling people they're afraid of them, such as one of my friends. Not so many boys though, because most tend to say they don't like them but aren't afraid. And some people just aren't affected by it. I'm not, and most people who have chronic illnesses aren't.   A lot of people have coping methods. Most of these involve gritting your teeth and making a fist. Some people may hold another's hand or just ap

Everything Will be Okay

I don't know how to say this so people will understand, but I'll go on just incase someone is sitting at home wondering if they are alone in this thought as I feel at the moment. During songs or videos, if I hear a line or lyric that is reassuring or comforting, I will re-play it. I'll put myself in my own world and imagine this line is being said to me. Usually along the lines of "Everything will be okay in the end" or "Don't be afraid." Sometimes when you're going through a whole lot, and knowing it will be on going people don't realise how much a simple "It's alright" helps you. No one has ever told me everything will be alright or that I haven't any need to be afraid, or that it's okay to be afraid. Mostly because they don't think to say anything. People really underestimate the value of it. Even doctors, who tend not to put too much emotion into patient treatments, should learn that saying something so simple c

They Get It, Mostly.

Last night as I talked with some mates through a webcam, I was on this website for people who are 'chronically ill.' I cringe at that phrase. Chronic = very serious and long lasting. Illness = I'm sick. And I know I have a chronic disease: I know that I'm sick and probably will be for a very long time. But anyway, some of the things I came across on this website was really funny. Suggestions that people who are ill get that are simply  hilarious. What medical words really mean, or at least to us. It's a huge relief to know there are more people just like you. But what I laughed at, sometimes my friends didn't when I read it off. I know they wouldn't get all of it so I didn't read all of it to them, just things that I forget people don't understand. Like when people tell you that you take too many medicines and they're making you sick. They don't know. When I know I'm going to the hospital, I'll tell my friends I'm going to be ab

Write and Procrastinate

I really don't know what to post about today. In all honesty I would really just rather not write something but I've been trying to push myself to do work everyday, whether it be the blog or working on a project. Since I don't feel like working on my project, I'm going to write on my blog about my project. Currently I'm working on a pencil sketch of a little stranger. My family's newest addition made her first appearance to the world earlier this week. She's so lovely, a dream really. I've fallen so deeply in  love with her: I constantly show my friends her pictures, though they don't understand how I'm so proud of a new baby. Anyway, my auntie got a picture of the baby with her eyes open and smiling so I've been drawing it to give to the proud mummy and daddy. I haven't finished it yet. I should probably work on it: I'm going to go visit them tomorrow.

Treatment vs. Pain Medicine

I haven't updated much about my arthritis in a while so I think I'll start off with that. My muscles are really sore and my joints are creeky, but nothing out of the ordinary. What amazes some people is that I typically am in a lot of pain but I don't take pain medications. I mean, treatment like Methotrexate is just that: Treatment. It's not a huge pain reliever, though it is for some people. But mostly we all take medications to cope with the pain and some have nasty side effects. And I don't bother. Really. I can take about three times more ibuprofen in one day (Doctor prescribed) versus the average dose for others person and still be in a lot of pain. My mum tells me it makes me look more relaxed and calm and that's good when it's time to calm down like at night but not when I need to get homework and chores done, on top of finding time to talk with my friends. At the moment I am researching arthritis treatments that relieve pain. I've found a few

Pool Side

In a lot of ways, I have been really stressed lately. In a lot of ways, I have been really amazed at how wonderful life is. Like in swimming, instead of doing laps lately we have been playing games, particularly basketball. It's nice because rather than the girls standing around doing nothing and the boys acting as though it were the Olympics, everyone participates and enjoys themselves. Okay, the boys still act like they are playing in the Olympics but they're a bit gentler. I've been having a grand time since there is no running and I can really get into the game. But what really makes my day is when the kids say "Elizabeth, pass it here!" For one, they acknowledge I'm alive. But two they know me as Elizabeth and not Liz anymore: I'm so thrilled. It's things like that that really make the difference. I like swimming class unlike a lot of girls in my class: My hair looks great afterward and it's refreshing unless the teacher makes you do laps.

Ordinary to Smile

My mum always told me that there is nothing more attractive than a smile. I always knew this was true, but not really realizing it's depth until recently. While I was in art class, working on a personal sketch because I was finished with my own class work. A boy who is in the year above me walked into the room to work on his project. I had never really seen him before, and he seemed to be very average looking though not a bad looking lad himself. He worked quietly on his project, not talking to anyone. A girl came in and she said something to him. He looked up from his project and smiled. I swear he looked to be the happiest boy in the world: He all of a sudden seemed so handsome and I thought to myself 'his parents must be so proud of him.' Some people won't smile in pictures, some people won't smile at all in life. I don't walk around with a grin all the time because it looks goofy but also because it wouldn't look geniune. I notice that when I walk with


This past week, I've bumped and banged my legs and arms and I'm covered with bruises. Though I haven't taken Methotrexate in weeks, I'm getting used to life without: Whenever I start or stop it I get excessively tired, sore and lose my appetite. I guess I'm still going to bruise for a few months though because it's effects are still in my system. It's like the advice to wait three months after stopping Methotrexate to get pregnant. I hit my elbow a couple times and it's all bruised and sore and I'm discovering new ones from gentle bumps on my legs and arms. I'm not typically this clumbsy it's just all of a sudden I'm hitting this or that. This just isn't fun what so ever. While the pain I get is beginning to get worse due to the lack of medication, I don't mind it much because I've never noticed too much pain relief on Methotrexate. A bit emotionally drained at the moment, but I will fill you in when I feel better.

Wave Goodbye

It's one thing when your friend starts to get a bit odd and you don't really want to talk with them. It's one thing when your friend starts to get very odd and you don't really want to be with them anymore. It's another thing when your mum tells you she's beginning to not want you to talk with this person anymore. My friend at first seemed to be acting very immature. Then she began to be very rebellious and immature. And now she is making very immature and rebellious choices. I don't understand kids, really, especially because I am younger than her yet I see more wrong in what she is doing than she. What is going on isn't acutally wrong, but it isn't wise and not the best choice towards a happy life. I don't really think she is thinking of consequences or anything. Then again not a lot of kids do. It really agravates me when kids, say, drink heavily at night because it's so fun but end up failing a test at school due to their headache the n


I've never had 'normal' dreams, but talking about them with my friends I guess no dream is really normal. I had heard once that people can control how their dreams go, but I'm not sure how much I believe this. My friend said that you can when your body is sleeping but your mind is not, and you control what you think. He said you're more or less paralized and whatever was on your mind before you go to sleep is what you dream. That sounds like the scariest thing ever because even though you think you were thinking about your sweet heart or your pet or baby, what if you were actually thinking of some horror movie as your mind drifted? You'd be trapped in that dream! Yikes!


If you've read my blog before, you know I'm the artistic type of person. I think a lot of odd things are cool and I 'get' modern art, even if I don't like all of it. And I even like some of the ways people dress and do their hair or make-up to look different. I think every artistic person has done that before. I'm really no exception. I look rather normal, but you might notice I wear rings.I love them and if I could, I would wear one ring on every finger, just because I think it would look cool and artsy. But that would take away from the rings I do wear: One on each hand because one is gold and the other is silver, and I know that they clash. I don't really know where I'm going with this post, aside from the fact I think wearing a lot of rings would be cool. I'm just not in the mood to post about arthritis, mostly since at the moment it feels I talk a bit too much about it and that it's taking over my identity. So for today and maybe tomorrow,


Most people like  to hide things about themselves away. I, on the other hand, generally enjoy people's quirks. I myself harbour several nerdy little obsessions and such. I enjoy that a few of my friends like to watch a cartoon that most people would raise an eyebrow at. And I like that my friend wears a Sonic Screwdriver necklace. I shall now share with you, my top nerdiest quirks: 1.) I read the daily comics everyday. Not things like Donald Duck but little known comics because I like supporting the 'little man' because I know that might be me one day. 2.) I can play the entire song 'Hedwigs Theme' (The song associated with Harry Potter) on my guitar by heart. 3.) I have a huge list of people I want to meet one day, ranging anywhere from people on Youtube to famous actors who were in black and white films. 4.) I whistle at random times and places: Sometimes little tunes and sometimes full blown songs. 5.) I draw clothes from the Edwardian period to about the 19

Well, That's Not Good.

Imagine this: You're in your bed, all nice and warm in your favourite pyjamas. The lights are dimmed just the way you like it and it's  been a long day, and you're ready to fall asleep. You're in your favourite sleeping position and you know just one little stretch will make everything perfect. You go to flex your ankles when all of a sudden CRAMP. Your muscles are tense and pulling your feet, ankles and calf in an uncomfortable position. If you stay still, it hurts but if you move it hurts even worse. So you opt to just lie there still, maybe rubbing your muscles to stop the painful spasms. No, this was not me in my bed last night. This was me all day in school today, somewhat. While I did not actually have cramps, I had that pain all day. Nothing made it feel better what so ever and I'm lucky I had art all day so I could relax a bit.  I've had that pain before but today it seemed to go out of hand. In a way, I really miss my Methotrexate... Nah, I still don&

I Don't Want to... I Don't Want to.... I Don't Want to Think About...

I don't want to post anything today. I don't want to write anything today. I don't want anyone to see anything I wrote today. I don't want to do anything today. So of course I'm writing a post today. I haven't taken Methotrexate for about three weeks now. I am feeling terrible. Everything hurts. My back. My legs. My feet. My neck. My muscles. My head. My spirit. I'm going to see Marc soon  and I've been researching new medicines to take instead of Methotrexate. I'll most likely end up on Enbrel or something like that but the night is still young and things do change. I have exams coming up in school once again. I don't want to study today. I don't want to think about studying today. I don't want be be reminded I need to study today. So I am going to study... later.

My Wonderful Day

People have told me that when I speak of Arthur it is rather depressing. I promise he doesn't mean to be depressing: He's my little Arthur and he can't help making things harder sometimes. So today I shall write of the day I've had in a less depressing way. Oh, what a wonderful day! Today I had swimming class in school. We get wet in a shower before we go in the water to protect our hair and suits, and the warm water felt wonderful. I'm so glad the teachers took their sweet time in doing roll because the air was so cold: A nice shock to the system. Then when we got in the pool and had to play a game, I pulled my hip muscle: It was such a relief to have pulled it since it hasn't been bothering me and I didn't want to forget I have an achy muscle there. When school was released, I was so happy to go home even though school had been so much fun! The ride over bumps and sharp turns kept me on the edge of my seat, which is a relief since who really wants to rel

Methotrexate... Yum

Last night was one of the last times I will be taking methotrexate in pill form. This will sound gross, but when I swallowed it a few seconds lately I became violently ill and vomitted anything I ate a few hours prior. I really didn't think I ate much. My mum had to call Marc, my doctor, and we have to make arrangements so I can begin taking injections of methotrexate again. This time I am going to learn to give them to myself: I've seen many people on Youtube do it and I think it will be a good idea for me to learn to do it in case I'm unable to get to a nurse or doctor. I was actually thinking of getting the injections done at school so I could make my friends watch. Yes, I write make. I want them to see myself injecting yellow liquid into my own flesh. I want them to feel my pain... Okay, actually I would really just like moral support because I know at some point I will not want to do it and I will get sick at the smell of rubbing alcohol or something. Not that I need

The Milk Bottle Adventures

During our lunch period, a friend of mine will buy food and -naturally- gets a bottle of milk with it. But, as he doesn't care much for milk, he gives it to me. Milk: *For strong, healthy bones! (*Excludes those with arthritis) Recently they changed the design of the cap: Instead of pulling a little tap and the top popping off, you have to twist the cap off. When the country decided to allow students of all different abilities to be educated together, I think they didn't get the memo that milks with caps that are hard to take off are a big no-no. The first time this ever happened I kind of just sat and stared at the bottle as if it would open itself if I stared long enough. Then I spent a minute or two clutching a cold bottle painfully and trying to twist the cap with the other hand. It took a while but I did do it. The second day I thought it would be really hard but I successed in one, painful turn. The third day I got too confident and hurt my hand trying to twist it in

Portraits of Portraits

Today in art class we did one of my favourite things: Portrait drawings. Today in art class we did one of my least favourite things: Self-Portrait drawings. I say it's a bit of a curse because I can draw almost anyone except my mum, my grandmum and myself. I think it's a bit of a generation thing. Both of my attempts on huge paper we were given were very far from what I actually do look like. I decided I would finish it at home on my own paper: I hope the teacher won't mind, and I'm sure he won't since we're just doing those only to scan them into the computer to paint over anyway. My mum tells me that I draw people softer than they really are, meaning I'll round pointed faces and make harsh eyes gentler. But when it came to drawing myself, I made myself look so brutal and stern: As if I were wicked. It's scary too because while my friend and I agreed that the picture did not look like me, it looked like someone we have seen before. This one girl whom