The Girl With Arthritis

Where have I been? Right here! I've never left, I've just been less active. I haven't participated in social media nearly as much or even written comments on some of my favourite blogs. If you emailed me, I still responded like usual. But I'm not up for communication at the moment. I haven't for a long time. I'm not tired of all the lovely people on and off the internet. In fact, I miss them a lot. I just haven't felt up to writing. I haven't even been texting with my best friends as often. Even to type is tiring and all I want to do is lie down and stare at the screen. But this isn't even bringing my energy back. I force myself to take a long walk at least once a week (but usually more) but it hasn't helped (nor made it worse so I continue to get out for a minute). I really enjoy being out too, I wander through stores and bring home coffee for my mum and I. But afterward, I need to relax and I end up lying down for the rest of the day and so...

Last year, I did an eight week course. It was an art class almost every Saturday morning, from mid October to December. I really did enjoy the class: It was a lot of fun! I made friends within the class and got a lot of good artistic advice, and even more confidence in my work. I don't regret doing the class what so ever. My body, on the other hand, hated it very much. I tend to be busy over the week (and by 'busy,' I mean going to school, coming home and doing homework in bed). But those weeks were extremely busy for me: Things started popping up from nowhere! It was a bit more than I could handle. There was actually a point when I became so stressed out that accidentally spilling coffee on some paperwork I was supposed to be sending out sent me into a hysterical screaming fit. Mentally, I was breaking down. But the physical toll was much more intense. I lost my Saturdays to recover from school since I was out of the house by six thirty in the morning (just like every...

Children: Some people love them, others don't. Teenagers: Mostly everyone hates them. Maybe that's an overstatement, but that's how I usually feel. I know, I know: We're annoying. We're these disproportioned, pimply creatures that expect to be treated as adults, act like children and have unpredictable moods. I can't really blame you for rolling your eyes every time you see a rowdy group of teenagers walk by. But, I was wondering if we could stop the 'all teenagers are annoying and rude' stereotype? Please? I don't know if this is a world wide phenomenon or if it's just me, but some adults treat me very... Well, not with the respect I treat them with. For example, I was waiting to pay for something at a store. There were two women in front of me. The cashier greeted the Both of them very kindly. Then it was my turn: the cashier wouldn't look at me and didn't even speak to tell me my total, even though I greeted her. One time I was out r...

Over tired. Over stressed. Over busy. Is it being young that keeps us over everything, or is it simply life with a chronic illness? I have yet to know the answer. It seems that whenever the world gets busy, all symptoms increase. And when there's one thing going on, there's a hundred things going on. And when there's a hundred things going on, you have no time to rest. It's a vicious cycle. Sometimes I have to tell myself over and over again that I am not lazy because I want to lie down and go on Facebook when I get a free moment. The rest is so necessary to a person with a chronic illness, and it's not just a half hour you need. It can take a few hours to get the rest necessary. Don't feel guilt for the need to rest during the day: You are very strong and deserve it. You deserve to be able to take care of yourself the best way you know how to. That means relaxing when you need it. When things get busy, it's even more important to get this rest. Put yourse...

"I hate chronic fatigue so much. It's so hard to handle and work through." "I get tired sometimes too." I wish it was just feeling tired. I can deal with that. A twenty minute nap can help. A cup of coffee can help. But chronic fatige just doesn't. It hang around like a little black rain cloud. Sometimes it's little and seems to disappear. Other times you're trapped and can't get away. And if the physical side effects weren't so bad, sometimes people just assume you're really lazy. I hate that. So much. Sometimes I think the worst part of having psoriatic arthritis is that even if I'm not too sore or stiff to do something, I have too much fatigue to do it. Things suffer when you can't get up and do things. Work. School. Friends. Family. But most importantly, you. The Spoon Theory is a way of explaining chronic illness and fatigue to someone, and it's the best way I know how to explain it. I highly recommend reading ...

Sleep: My favourite activity. I can't seem to get enough of it! But the couple hours of inactivity isn't great for those of us with arthritis and other pain disease: Morning stiffness is an extremely common symptom. But pain can also be a huge problem in the morning, as I have been personally experiencing: Lately I've needed a half hour just to get out of bed in the morning. Waking up and getting up are two completely different things. Waking up, you may experience anything, from pleasure of waking up to the sun shining, little pain and a day of relaxation  to a blaring alarm, lots of pain and a busy day ahead. Sometimes I wish the day starts when I say it can, having slept in enough to feel completely rested. But, that's not possible... Anyway, getting up is a process in and of itself. It's hard to try and move when you feel like you can't, and it's worse when you're in pain. Sometimes it seems like it would help the pain to just stay in pain, and I r...

I am quite aware we all have our own struggles with chronic illnesses. But I'm sure we are not too unique in the case that we all have experienced a long day of medical care. Whether it's infusions that take several hours, test after test, bad news and more bad news, or appointment after appointment, I'm confident when I say we've all been there and have done that. Recently I had a very long medical day. I wrote down my emotions and thoughts as the day went on so I could share with you later. 7.00 am, I am not pleased one bit. I may be up and out at this hour most of the time, but when it's for anything but work or school, I'm a zombie. Even then, I'm kind of the walking dead. The train had better not be late otherwise my whole day will be thrown off. 7.38 am, I love trains. Any time I don't have to drive is a good time. Just sit back, relax and watch the world go by. 8.29 am, The little cafe near the hospital has the best eggs ever. That and a gre...

When you're tired, everything is painful. Joints are painful. Moving is painful. Colours, cold, light, and sound hurts too. Currently I'm curled up with a blanket because it's not nearly as painful as sitting up. Today is not a good day. It's odd how one day your on top of the world, and then the next day you don't think you can open your eyes, forget open the door and go out in the world. But you go out anyway, because you know you have to push on. And while you carry on, the world seems to want your attention more than ever. Things pop up from nowhere and need to be completed. People need you to be here and there and everywhere. And worse, pain demands to be felt. There are times I forget that despite youth promising energy, I still have arthritis and I am going to have days where I feel horrible. It's not so hard to push on than to accept reality. I'm a young kid. I want to go out and do things with my life. It's disappointing to have 'an old ...

Recently I've had a conversation with someone about my school. They asked why I'm very tired after school (arthritis aside). To tell you the truth, most kids from my school are exhausted after school. This is what one  school day looks like: they're not all this long, but it is quite often that they are. Kids begin to travel to get to school as early as 6:15. Early morning meetings and tutoring begin at 7:00, which is when most kids begin to arrive, however most kids rather hang out with friends. Classes start around 7:30. We get to go to lunch at 11:00 (some kids go to the library or go out to play football). Classes resume at about 11:30 and ends at 14:00. Some kids go home at this point. Clubs, tutoring, sports, detention, and such begin at 14:15 (Don't worry, no detentions for me :) ). Some kids do homework and relax in the library with friends (after a bit it's more socialising than working). We can also work out with exercise equipment. Most clubs le...

This past month I've been going to non-stop parties and functions. Not out of wanting to go really, but of having to attend out of politeness, necessity or because I'm being dragged by my parents. I'm so exhausted and sore: These old bones can't take much more. I really can't handle going out. They aren't even over the top parties: We have supper, talk a little and maybe have coffee and dessert. Even a trip to the cinema after class took a lot out of me. Maybe it was the trip to the cinema (which is not often due to the fact it is several towns over), or maybe it was a long day of school and an hour of swimming. The point is, even going out often and doing practically nothing is tiring. Though I know I could be way worse, it is very true when they say kids with arthritis are kids in the bodies of the elderly. Even then, I've seen many elderly people who are healthier and stronger.

It hasn't been such a good week, as I already have told you in former posts. I got sick last night coming home from a party and I haven't felt good since. Of course I had to run a few errands this morning and during a meal in a resturant, I got extremely ill. I had side pain and nausea but I highly doubt it's serious since I've been running around all week. Oh well.