The Girl With Arthritis

I shall be off on holiday soon, which means I unfortuantely won't be able to post for a bit. While I won't disclose how long I will be gone or to where I am going, I can tell you I will be back shortly. Until then, please continue to check back. I promise I won't be long. :)

I went to the rheumatologists yesterday. I can say that was  easily one of the worse visits ever. Due to weight loss in such a sort period, I've been taken off of Leflunomide. Rather, I've been prescribed Enbrel and since I will be going on holiday soon, I will not be starting for several weeks. It will be two injections every week. Thankfully I have several arrangements where a nurse will  be able to give me them, rather than do them myself. However I will most likely learn to inject them myself in case I'm never able to get to a nurse or whoever, or if I get confidence enough I'll just do them myself. Leflunomide, however, seemed to be working quiet well besides the worrying side effects. Also, both my regular nurse and doctor seemed concerned about my heart rate, which was a bit high. In fact, the doctor was so concerned I was sent to get an EKG. Though my heart rate was elevated, it wasn't too concerning.

My name is Elizabeth and I am addicted to worrying. I can't not worry about much. I worry about my homework. I worry about accidently hurting someone. I worry about embarassing myself. I worry about money. I worry about not getting into college. I worry my art isn't good enough. I worry that I'm not as healthy as we think and I'm getting sicker. I worry about having to wake up early in the morning and not wanting to eat. I worry when I gain weight. I worry when I lose weight. It's a miracle my blood pressure isn't so high I should be able to squirt blood out of my finger tips like Spiderman. Actually it's perfectly healthy. It's the one thing I don't worry about.

I would just like to give a bit of an update about Leflunomide, which is like Methotrexate in the fact it suppresses one's immune system. So far, I'm not doing very well on it. While I don't get nausea as badly on Leflunomide like I did on Methotrexate, I still do get it. I don't lose hair on this either. However, I've experienced nasty side effects on Leflunomide. I've lost my appetite on this medicine to the point I eat extremely lightly just to get three meals, and when I say extremely light, I mean something to drink can become a satisfying meal. I'm also a bit afraid to eat because when I do I tend to get an upset stomach as well. Not all the time, but I do. Before this drug I was a healthy weight and slim: It was obvious I took very good care of myself. On this drug I've lost a lot of weight and while I still look rather healthy and just as though I've lost a tiny bit of weight, I'm rather concerned. I wasn't even trying to loss weigh...

Many times doctors and nurses are able to help people recover from diseases. Sometimes doctors and nurses can't help you and they want to. There's no cure or pain relief for some diseasees. A poem that was about a young child with cancer put it "The worse part about being in the hospital, is that they give you all the ice cream you want because they know there is nothing better they can do. Ice cream can't make things better." And it's true. People who are terminally ill often have their wildest dreams and wishes granted. Kids with arthritis, epilepsy, and such often have camps and fun days devoted to them. This, they feel, is the best way to treat a person because when giving them a cure isn't possible, giving them happiness is the next best thing. I don't see this as a bleak thing. I see this as a life lesson.

A bit of an update about the  cold water thing. I don't think people understand the severity of it, as demonstrated to me not long ago. A while ago I went into extremely cold water with some friends and they couldn't understand how the water was that bad until I explained it as such: It felt as though all the muscles and my skin in my feet were ripped apart and bleeding. My ankles felt as if they had just been bent backword. All the bones in my feet and ankles felt chilled and frozen down deep into the marrow, like my bones were replaced with ice completely. My shins were numbed and painful. It felt as though I had fell on my knees and scrapped, bruised and turned in more than usual. I won't go on with more details, but I hope you see how painful it is on top of dealing with the temperature.

Arthritis is different for everyone. Different people respond differently to treatment. Some people can be in the same amount of pain but tolerate it very differently. And no two cases of arthritis are exactly the same. My arthritis is not the same as another's. For example, I cannot tolerate bathing or swimming in cold water. It's a proven fact that those with autoimmune arthritis feel cold, heat and pain more than those without it. And I know it's the case with me. While some people may mention that, say, a swimming pool is cold when they dunk their feet in, I feel cold and pain. My muscles tighten and I can feel an ache that goes deep into my muscles, as if my bones were ice. Like I said, we all react differently.